Some of you may be wondering why there has been a pause in my writing. I am finally ready to speak. I have been playing one word in my mind over and over again. No. No, I don’t want to. No. I already told you, no! NO!
Why? Did my demands fall upon deaf ears? Did your sick, animalistic desires drown out of my commands? Did you get a thrill of playing with a “stupid girl.” Stupid girl. Stupid, stupid, stupid, it plays in my head over and over like a scratched CD, please someone…oh please, someone Dear God, take the CD out of my head and give me peace. Take the scratched CD, break it in to a million pieces like my body feels like. Use the jagged edge as a blade, I must keep up my defense.
Once a victim, but twice? How could she be stupid enough to allow herself to be a victim again? I swear that is what people are saying silently as I walk through the halls, though this is the first time I have spoke of it. Why me? He targeted me. He had read these blogs, he knew my weakness and exploited it. I have two options; I could run and hide, or I can stand up as an emotional abuse and assault survivor and continue to fight for those who do not have a voice. You did not quiet the beast, you have only given strength to the warrior within me.